Monday 9 July 2007

Quotes from the tour

Compiled by Chima

"5"

The number of times Aliyu mentioned to guys who didn't go clubbing how he had "never seen so many fine babes in one club in my entire life" before promising not to mention it again.


"l'm Buttercup..."

Andy Franco, revealing his suite name at the Ambassadors hotel and (at the same time) his newly appointed Tour nickname since sporting a new (shocking) bleach blond hairstyle

"...Maybe it's me but the Gulder tastes better here than in the UK"

Stranger: "It's because that one was free, that's all"

Chima Ijeoma, trying one (of many) Naija beers on a night out.

Chima: I don't wear sunglasses after sunset

Maynard: I do - It stops a girl looking into the inner reaches of your soul - and helps you avoid eye contact with the 'bushmeat'. I'm sure the Bushmeat Index has gone up at least three points since we got here.

"I've got one thing to say. This court is a JOKE and I'm going to get ALL of you ¥#@!$ back!"

Chu Chu, perfectly demonstrating what not to say during a Tour Court session.

"Teargas"

Femi Obe's tour nickname, after a night out being forced to wear wife-beaters and a tie as tour punishment.

"£100"

Femi Obe's 'Tour Court' bills.

"Chai!!..."

Jim Siu, explaining to inquisitive playas about the morning after the night before.

"Riff raff can you boys sit down so we can leave. 1A"

Text message sent by Nsa Junior Harrison from his newly acquired business class seat, '1A', on route to Lagos.

Mark (looking out of coach window): Sh*t

Chima: What?

Mark: The way that car just cut in - they drive with no remorse here.

Os: That's just the way it is...

Andy: You drive with remorse - you don't get anywhere - simple.

On the journey from Ilorin to Lagos. Simi and Junior are sharing a seat in front of Hisham:

Junior: what the &*#! was that?

Simi: Theres something alive under the seat

Junior: holy &*#!, something's moving under the seat!

Simi: &*#!

Both are looking around frantically.

Hisham kicks can under seat again.

Junior: guys, theres something alive under the seat - &*#!, THERES SOMETHING MOVING UNDER THE SEAT.

Simi: &*#! man.

Junior: Hisham, is that you?

Richtie and Simi are hunting around for the invitational shirts to present to Dynamite RFC after the friendly match.

It appears Ugo had the shirts last. Ritchie and Simi are looking at Ugo accusingly. A moment passes before Ugo erupts.

"You two can &#@! off if you think I'm taking the blame for you two forgetti..."

Ritchie: We're not blaming you...

Classic Ugo (now smiling): my friend, I said 'IF'

"I heard you lost your phone. I'll help you find it...200 Naira"

Will King, being "shrewd".

"I can't help it, it's just vanity..."

Wole Olunfunwa, preparing to have a team photo taken, promptly discards the clean rugby jersey offered him in place of his precious (dirty) 13 jersey, for an even brighter whiter top, while his team-mates shuffle uneasily, stinking in their dirty kit, in the midday sun.

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